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Stabbed For Too Loud Threesome?!

Man Stabs Roommate For Being Too Loud During a Threesome

Getting lucky turned out to be fairly unlucky for one Texas man who started his birthday in bed with two women and ended up alone in a hospital bed.

Police say the unidentified man was marking his 35th birthday with a threesome at home when his roommate, 42-year-old Antonio Flores Narcisso, overheard the celebration.

According to KHOU, Narcisso “became infuriated when he kept hearing loud sex noises coming from the other bedroom.” When the roommate reportedly declined to stop having loud sex with two women, Narcisso kicked down the door and began stabbing him.

holy shit… dude, ever heard of headphones?!

Man gropes, pulls pants of U.S. Marshal down during jog in North Side

PITTSBURGH — A female U.S. marshal fought back and held a man for police after he groped her and pulled down her pants while she was running in North Side Tuesday, Pittsburgh police said.

man, what a collosal dumbass… though on a related note, we were tottal dumbasses back in school since we used to do this kind of shit all the time — i still remember talking to a girl by her locker between classes back in 8th grade, and the next thing i knew my shorts were down at my ankles… friends can be such pricks… but nowadays, somebody would probably end up in jail. *chuckle*

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Second American Journalist Beheaded by ISIS

Video Appears to Show ISIS Execution of Second American Steven Sotloff

A new video appears to show the execution of Steven Sotloff, the second American killed by a self-professed member of the Islamist terror group ISIS.

In the video, which appeared online today, Sotloff addresses the camera, saying, “I’m sure you know exactly who I am by now and why I am appearing.”

“Obama, your foreign policy of intervention in Iraq was supposed to be for preservation of American lives and interests, so why is it that I am paying the price of your interference with my life?” the journalist says calmly as the black clad militant holds a knife casually at his side.

Later the video then cuts to the militant who says that as long as U.S. missiles “continue to strike our people, our knife will continue to strike the necks of your people.”

The camera cuts again and the militant appears to kill Sotloff.

holy shit man… the second american beheaded by ISIS in as many weeks?!! i really need Obama to once again try to explain to me why the hell we haven’t leveled these motherfuckers.

Report: Obama Briefed on ISIS Threat for More Than a Year

p.s. really hope obama wasn’t playing golf today.

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Ohio Corpse Lover

Ohio man admits to having sex with up to 100 dead women

An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted having sex with up to 100 corpses.

Kenneth Douglas, from Hamilton, said he had sexually abused three corpses while high on drugs and alcohol in 1991 and 1992.

But he has also admitted having sex with up to 100 dead women over the period between 1976 and 1992, while he worked the night shift.

“I would just get on top of them and pull my pants down,” Hamilton told a court.

man, the hits keep rolling today…. first the woman fucking the dogs, and then i stumble across this headline — g’damn man.

that’s some seriously twisted shit.

#shudder

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Woman Caught Love’n The Puppy

New Mexico woman has sex with dogs, tries to poison roommates: police

A New Mexico woman was arrested for trying to poison her roommate and an ex-boyfriend after they caught her having sex with the roommate’s dogs, police said.

Shari Walters, 53, was cuffed after one of her roommates called the Bernalillo County Sheriff’s Office and reported she had been poisoned, KOAT-TV reported.

The victim told investigators that she was poisoned hours after she spotted Walters in a backyard shed at their Albuquerque home having sex with one of her two dogs, the news station reported.

nothing wrong with a little puppy love, but damn… coming home to find your roommate fucking your dog in the backyard? not sure what my initial reaction would be… bust out laughing? stare in shock for a moment, then whip out my phone and take a pic/video? …or yell at her to get off my fucking dog, and feel like smack’n something?

hmmm, i really don’t even know.

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Russians Mock Obama

Russians Mock Obama With Racist Laser Projection On U.S. Embassy In Moscow

President Barack Obama received birthday greetings from around the world when he turned 53 years old on Monday, but some of those wishes weren’t exactly well.

In Russia, protesters used lasers to beam a crude, racist image of Obama onto the U.S. Embassy in Moscow. The image showed the president in a birthday hat with a banana going in and out of his mouth followed by projections of the words “Obama” and “happy birthday” in English.

The Moscow Student Initiative took responsibility for the stunt on VK, a social network popular in Russia.

Racially-charged messages aimed at Obama have been cropping up with alarming regularity in Russia. Also on the president’s birthday, a banner depicting Obama as the “Three Wise Monkeys” — see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil — was unfurled near the U.S. Consular Section in Moscow, The Washington Post reported.

i might not like most some of his policies, but i certainly don’t like seeing shit like this… a laser projection of President Obama with a banana in his mouth on the US embassy in moscow? that’s just fucked up.

i’d love to hear what Obama said behind closed doors when he saw that one… i can just imagine.

 

Russia bans food imports from Australia, Canada, EU, US, Norway

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Lady Wins $23 Billion Lawsuit?!?

Widow: Jury sent tobacco company a $23B message

A Florida widow awarded $23.6 billion in the death of her chain-smoking husband on Monday called the massive verdict a message to Big Tobacco, even though she likely won’t see much if any of the money.

The punitive damages — $23,623,718,906.62, to be precise — almost certainly will be significantly reduced on appeal, if not thrown out entirely, legal experts and industry analysts said. In another major tobacco trial, a $28 billion verdict in a 2002 case in Los Angeles turned into $28 million after appeals.

The figure is a pointed, dramatic gesture, said Cynthia Robinson, whose husband took up smoking at 13 and died of lung cancer at 36.

dude, that’s just fucking insane.

some people might not like tobacco companies, i get it… but when did it become a court of justice’s job to “send a message” with something completely outrageous like this? did they force the guy to purchase the cigerettes with his own money, to smoke two packs a day? she was his wife, so does that make her an accessory?

i’m sure it’ll go to Appeals, and i hope they drop at least 9 zeros from that verdict…

$23 billion… geeeesh, what the fuck.

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Automatic Sperm Extractor

Automatic Sperm Extractor Introduced Into A Chinese Hospital

A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention?

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. We’re not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology.

dude — it’s kind of awesome and a bit freaky all at the same time… but the question is, would you use it?

Women being masturbated at in public isn’t as rare as you might think…

(hat tip: annie, oscar)

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Luis Suarez: The Racist Cannibal

Luis Suárez Just Bit Someone Again!

Uruguay were playing Italy in an atrocious, atrocious World Cup match that saw Mario Balotelli knee a guy in the head and Claudio Marchisio sent off for trying to break someone else’s leg. But shit didn’t get real until the 79th minute.

This was the last game of Group D’s group stage. If Italy won or drew, they would advance to the knockout stage of the tournament, and with just 11 minutes left to play, it looked like the famously staunch Italian defense would hold on. That’s when Suárez appeared to haul off and bite Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini in the shoulder.

There was mass confusion at first. This was due to the fact that Luis Suárez had already bitten people twice before, once at Dutch club Ajax, and once with English side Liverpool. He’d also been been twice suspended for it. Still, no one believed it possible, as an athlete or human, to bite three people in just over three years with the whole world watching.

(He also has been suspended for being racist.)

personally, i think FIFA should ban him for life.

“Look, there’s no rule in soccer against biting your opponent. There’s not even a rule against eating your opponent. The only rule in soccer is that you can’t use your hands.”
Luis Suarez

oh, and snickers should totally hire suarez for a spot — “hey, it’s easy to get hungry out there on the field! satisfy your craving with a snickers bar.”

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Pokes Fun at World Cup

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American Playing For Iran? WTF?

American soccer star who failed to make Team USA playing for Iran at the World Cup

Steven BeitashourAn American soccer player who wasn’t picked for the U.S. World Cup team is playing for his parents’ native country Iran.

Steven Beitashour, who was born in San Jose, California, is the only American playing for the Iranians in Brazil this summer – a decision which has outraged some fans.

The 27-year-old player, whose current club is the Vancouver Whitecaps, is able to play for Iran because his parents were born in the Islamic state.

He told the San Jose Mercury News: ‘I’m not there to cause any problems. I’m not there for any flash. I’m there for the love of the game.’

He told the paper that he understands Farsi more than he speaks but hoped his decision would help improve U.S.-Iranian relations.

Despite his own neutrality, Beitashour’s decision to play for Iran has drawn strong criticism.

well, i can understand him playing for the “love of the game” and all… but for a guy that grew up his whole life in San Jose, California — ummm, yeah, kinda weird if you ask me… hell, personally i find it a little odd to see guys playing for other countries than where they born… but maybe that’s just me.

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Introducing DSON

Introducing Doge Serialized Object Notation

DSON (Doge Serialized Object Notation) is a data-interchange format, that is easy to read and write for Shiba Inu dogs. It is easy for machines to parse and generate. It is designed to be as similiar as possible to the DogeScript Programming Language. DSON is a text format that is not language independent but uses conventions that are familiar to a wide variety of japanese dog breeds. These properties make DSON an ideal data-interchange language for everything that involves Shiba Inu intercommunication.

Some examples of the DSON syntax and their JSON counterparts:

such "foo" is "bar". "doge" is "shibe" wow // {"foo": "bar", "doge": "shibe"}

such "foo" is such "shiba" is "inu", "doge" is yes wow wow // {"foo": {"shiba": "inu", "doge": true}}

such "foo" is so "bar" also "baz" and "fizzbuzz" many wow // {"foo": ["bar", "baz", "fizzbuzz"]}

such "foo" is 42very3 wow // {"foo": 34e3}

DSON, like JSON, is built on two structures:

  • A collection of name/value pairs. In various languages, this is realized as an object, record, struct, dictionary, hash table, keyed list, or associative array.
  • An ordered list of values. In most languages, this is realized as an array, vector, list, or sequence.

These are universal data structures. Virtually all modern dog-proof programming languages support them in one form or another. It makes sense that a data format that is interchangeable with programming languages also be based on these structures. All keywords used by DSON are case-sensitive and must be in lower case.

fucking great.

(hat tip: bradley)

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Bieber Banged Adriana Lima?!?

Justin Bieber Probably Slept With Adriana Lima

i doubt it’s true, she would never do that… right…?

p.s. think i just threw up a little.

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‘Jews vs Nazis’ Beer Pong

Is this the most offensive drinking game yet? ‘Jews vs Nazis’ beer pong catches on at student parties prompting outrage from Jewish leaders

High school students in Florida have caused concern among religious leaders after posting a picture online of a drinking game called ‘Jews vs Nazis’ beer pong.

The picture, which features cups set out in the shape of a swastika and the Star of David, was apparently submitted to a Twitter feed by students from Cape Coral High School, in Florida.

The @HSConfessional post, which has now been retweeted nearly 1,800 times, also makes the claim that: ‘This is what we play at parties.’

Rabbi Yitzchok Minkowicz, of the Chabad Lubavitch, of Southwest Florida, told Fox4 said: ‘As a rabbi, I like to look at the world as a beautiful place.

daaaaamn… that really is pretty fucked up, what the hell? if i found out that jayden was plaing this “jews vs. nazis” beer pong game, i’d have a thing or two to say to him about it — and probably smack him upside the head.

#shakeshead

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Condom Calamari

Chewy piece of calamari turns out to be a condom

This has got to be up there among the most revolting food finds of all time – a condom in a calamari.

Disgusted diner Mai Liang was halfway through her fish and squid rings dish at a restaurant when she discovered a particularly ‘rubbery’ piece was actually a contraceptive.

Events took another bizarre twist when the owner of the restaurant in Anhui province, China, grabbed the condom and swallowed it.

‘It was disgusting. My first horrific thought was: Is it used?’ explained Ms Liang.

man, that really is pretty effin gross.

UberFact: About 10,000,000,000 male condoms are used every year worldwide.

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Puppy Love.

Woman looks through boyfriend’s phone, finds video of him having sex with her dog

A woman looking through her boyfriend’s phone was shocked when she found a clip of him having sex with her Staffordshire bull terrier.

Wayne Bryson, from Louth, Lincolnshire, made no excuses when police arrested him after his girlfriend handed in the phone.

The 19-year-old pleaded guilty to a charge of performing an act of sexual penetration with a dog when he appeared at Skegness Magistrates’ Court last month.

Bryson was also caught with £10 worth of cannabis, which he said he had ‘bought wet and was drying out’, according to the Grimsby Telegraph.

The teenager will be sentenced on March 5, with the maximum he can receive being two years in jail.

He was given bail on the understanding he is not allowed to be alone with animals.

WTF? seriously, what the hell is wrong with some people?!? jesus.

(hat tip: djmac)

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